Why and How I left being a Jehovah's Witness
Growing up I was very malleable. I wanted to be liked more then anything. So I didn't question the religion. Everyone else seemed to believe it. This took some control of my life away from me. I was a people pleaser. Also I never questioned what I wanted out of life or what makes me happy.
But there come's a point in everyone's life that you are at a crossroad. I very vividly saw an image of myself living my day to day life I always had. And like a dream/nightmare I would wake up at an older age maybe around 50-60 years old and think how I have just blindly been miserable all this time.
This started to become a reoccurring thought. So then I had to ask my self, "Why am I soo miserable?"
At this point I was married for about 4 years. I did enjoy some parts of being married at the time. I adopted a new family who was very lovely. But being young and inexperienced I felt unfulfilled. I thought "is this really it?" Work a 9-5 job that I hate, go to the kingdom hall twice a week that I was starting to despise, and feeling as though I am in a loveless marriage.
Things they preached at the Kingdom Hall just started to not make sense to me. My step sisters stopped being in my life and when I would see them they acted cold towards me. And It wasn't like I left the religion at the time. I just wasn't putting in the hours of service that they were, so to them I was beneath them. This opened my eyes to a door called "hypocrisy". I began to see all the double standards that the religion was teaching. If God is loving why treat others disrespectfully like these leaders and then at that time my how my Stepsisters were treating me. They didn't even try to understand my circumstances such as working more and the anxiety I was getting. Then they were changing how many meetings to attend each week. I remember God wanting us to attend 3 times a week when I was little. Now God all of sudden it changes to only 2 times a week? Since when does God change?? These were just some little things that started to build up. And I was always taught if you look into other sources about Jehovah's Witnesses you would only find false information. Plus can be accused of being an "APOSTATE". Ain't nobody want to be an Apostate LOL!!
I mentioned that I was in a loveless marriage. This isn't completely true from my ex husband's end. But if you don't love yourself first there can't be any love. And I really hated my life at that point. I felt like a bird in a cage. Trapped from potential that I could never know.
So how do you take yourself out of a sinking ship? For me I slowly started to associate with others outside the religion(oh no bad association 😆). I did promotional modeling and became friends with one of the girls. We did promos at golf course and it would be 4 hours of sitting there chatting. She became my way out. She wanted a roommate and I thought "maybe I can leave my situation and move in with her". I truly believe the universe gives us what we need. "Ask and you shall receive."
But it didn't just happen over night. There was a period of a few months that I really needed to mull it over.
This took me to the crossroad. And I knew what my choice had to be if I ever wanted to live a happy life. So I got my s@#t together and left.
But there come's a point in everyone's life that you are at a crossroad. I very vividly saw an image of myself living my day to day life I always had. And like a dream/nightmare I would wake up at an older age maybe around 50-60 years old and think how I have just blindly been miserable all this time.
This started to become a reoccurring thought. So then I had to ask my self, "Why am I soo miserable?"
At this point I was married for about 4 years. I did enjoy some parts of being married at the time. I adopted a new family who was very lovely. But being young and inexperienced I felt unfulfilled. I thought "is this really it?" Work a 9-5 job that I hate, go to the kingdom hall twice a week that I was starting to despise, and feeling as though I am in a loveless marriage.
Things they preached at the Kingdom Hall just started to not make sense to me. My step sisters stopped being in my life and when I would see them they acted cold towards me. And It wasn't like I left the religion at the time. I just wasn't putting in the hours of service that they were, so to them I was beneath them. This opened my eyes to a door called "hypocrisy". I began to see all the double standards that the religion was teaching. If God is loving why treat others disrespectfully like these leaders and then at that time my how my Stepsisters were treating me. They didn't even try to understand my circumstances such as working more and the anxiety I was getting. Then they were changing how many meetings to attend each week. I remember God wanting us to attend 3 times a week when I was little. Now God all of sudden it changes to only 2 times a week? Since when does God change?? These were just some little things that started to build up. And I was always taught if you look into other sources about Jehovah's Witnesses you would only find false information. Plus can be accused of being an "APOSTATE". Ain't nobody want to be an Apostate LOL!!
I mentioned that I was in a loveless marriage. This isn't completely true from my ex husband's end. But if you don't love yourself first there can't be any love. And I really hated my life at that point. I felt like a bird in a cage. Trapped from potential that I could never know.
So how do you take yourself out of a sinking ship? For me I slowly started to associate with others outside the religion(oh no bad association 😆). I did promotional modeling and became friends with one of the girls. We did promos at golf course and it would be 4 hours of sitting there chatting. She became my way out. She wanted a roommate and I thought "maybe I can leave my situation and move in with her". I truly believe the universe gives us what we need. "Ask and you shall receive."
But it didn't just happen over night. There was a period of a few months that I really needed to mull it over.
This took me to the crossroad. And I knew what my choice had to be if I ever wanted to live a happy life. So I got my s@#t together and left.
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