Banishment aka Dis-fellowshiped leaving the Jehovah's Witness religion

Who would have thought a religion could make you a orphan?

Yes that's correct I became an orphan or "lost boy" after leaving the Jehovah's Witness religion.

I don't even know how to discuss this topic. The pain I have experienced losing my biological family. All because I don't believe in their religion.


On one hand I embraced who I was, but on the other I lost something very dear to me. I got to follow my heart and still do, which has been the best thing for me. I make up what I lost by loving the ones who stay in my life. They became my new family. But it isn't as thick as blood as the saying would go.

When did it happen? 
This happened after my first husband and I split. I told him I was no longer wanting to be a JW.

How come you didn't just dis-associate yourself?(dis-associating is allowing JW's to still communicate with you)

That is actually what I tried to do. I said I didn't believe in the religion but the Elders decided to announce that I was dis-fellowship-ed instead. I think that since I was so naive growing up and seemed to many un- knowledgeable that I could be more manipulated this way. From what I gather they thought the worst punishment would make me run back to the religion quicker. Instead it destroyed my relationship with my family( middle finger in the air to them). But that's what God does right?

Why didn't you go back to the religion if you lost something so dear to you, your family?

Deep down I knew something was off about this religion as I mentioned in one of my other post. So I delved into the creation of the religion. I found out how it was created and by whom. And if your reading this and are questioning the religion but haven't done your research, you really should!! It was a big eye opener to me. These man who created this religion knew how to manipulate people. They knew a fear based religion who keep all the sheep in line. How could I go back to a religion that was clearly not created by God. I would just be a hypocrite like the rest. No progress of change could happen if I was part of the cause and not the solution to higher conscientiousness.

You've mentioned in other post's that you believed in the Jehovah god, why not the religion?

Yes I do believe he is a god with a lower g. As I believe in a lot of gods. I prayed a ton while in the process of leaving the religion, if what I was doing was right, and it was clear to me god had my back. Honestly I think he is sick of his name being used with such dogma.  The religion like a lot of religions teach that God is loving to all, but then go and segregate others. Also it teaches fear, hate, killing. All in the name of God. No thanks i'm good 😄.

What is it like being dis-fellowshiped (lol this word doesn't even exist in the dictionary) ?

To me it felt like my whole family died. But because there is no funeral, I have no way of morning my loss. And the thought that there is still hope keeps me debilitated. You literally can not move on from it. Don't get me wrong a death is never something you can move on from but at some point it's easier to except. Where as I just can't seem to except that I will never have a real relationship with my family again.

PTSD?

I haven't seen a therapist and don't have the knowledge to diagnose myself. But during this 9 year stretch I have had these dreams. They seem great during the dream. I am spending time with my family as if nothing happened. Even asking my Mother "but what about the fact I don't believe in your religion" usually she seems confused as if I never left and that we always had a relationship. And I have this warm feeling inside like great, this is wonderful. And then I wake up and reality hits me like a hard rock. It will never be like that again. 😢 I think that has been the hardest thing for me.

Have you tried reaching out to your family?

Oh yes many times. Sometimes with a little leeway, when it comes to siblings. But then it ends abruptly as if they were checking to see if I plan to return to the religion. And when they see I am not the fake short lived relationship is gone with the wind. When it comes to my mother, I tried a few times and never got even a response.

Is some of this your fault? Not every JW disown's their family members for leaving.

I think at the beginning I could be accused of pushing them away. I really did stop talking to them for a short time(months). Plus growing up a JW it was told in talks that if you have been baptised a JW and leave you are considered to be the walking dead and impossible to revive so best to never speak to them again. But in my offense my whole life I was told what to do and I didn't want to be persuaded to go back to that religion. I needed to think for my own and make my own decision. Then my mother using my little sister as leverage to control me to go back to that religion, is what she tried to do. Instead of trying to understand my feelings. She again made me the bad guy and crushed my little sisters heart in the process. That was the last time I heard from her. Even though I tried to message her(telling her I love her ) there was no response and it was the end of me in her world. Of course now I became the black sheep and she could receive more sympathy from others by how hurt she is from my disobedience. So how could our worlds ever collide and make peace with who we are. She's been lying this whole time. Guilt is a horrible feeling and I feel sorry for her. Because she can't forgive she will never get rid of guilt. Oh wait isn't that what the bible preaches, to forgive. So hypocritical. There was a few friends that I was really close with and randomly(but in my mind preparing to leave) asked before I left if they would still talk to me if I left the religion. There answer was no.

Are you yourself trying to get sympathy by writing this article?

This is a thought that had been a two edge sword. On one hand I could write it and help others relate who feel alone. But I could also seem callous by writing how it only effected me. I guess that's why it has taken me this long to express this to public eye. Because even though I myself have been hurt and want understanding, I have been able to live wonderfully without the help of others.

If you could give any advise to ones dealing with this in their lives, what would it be?

Things that helped me cope were:

• Letting go of anger and hate.
• Making a few good friends(outside the religion) who are understating, and don't live a unhealthy lifestyle(alcohol abuse or other drugs).
• Reading topics on Law of Attraction.
• Positive affirmations to yourself, so you can truly heal and love yourself.
• Prayer