Growing up a Jehovah's Witness
This maybe a long post...
The main reason for me to want to talk about this is not enough people out there do. I hope that me writing about this will help anyone else who have gone through similar experiences, esp when it comes to being in a religion you may feel trapped in.
Like most I found dwelling on the past to be too difficult so leaving it there seemed better.
Its been about 9 years since I left that religion. . .
Growing up wasn't bad I had thought. Even though holiday celebrations such as christmas, and halloween, were never celebrated, we still had a lot of wedding celebrations and anniversary's that we did celebrate.
But the problem growing up in a religion like the Jehovah's Witnesses is they exclude you from a lot of experiences that others live early on in life. So instead of being able to make friends with classmates at school I was limited to only those who also are a JW. And instead of being able to do extra curricular activities at school I was limited to only things at home. For some family's who have money or have lots of friends this way of life isn't difficult. But for me it really was. We would go to the "kingdom hall" most people know that as church, 3 times a week and then do door to door service most saturday mornings.
"Kingdom Hall"
"Well that doesn't sound bad right?" you maybe thinking. And it really wasn't for the most part. I always tried to stay positive and have a happy outlook on life. Maybe even a bit too cheery. The problem came though when I was pre-teen and the few other girls in the organization started developing a lot quicker then I did. So while the girls were attracting boyfriends, I still looked like a 10 year old and pretty plain. Plus being of a shorter stature I just didn't fit in at that point. Plus I was quite an awkward child. I also felt the girls went out of there way to ignore me(my highly sensitive mind). So with not fitting in anywhere my world became pretty lonely. My stepsisters would come in the summer so at least I had one friend but there was tension at times because my mom would get jealous of me and Anna's relationship and would put rifts between us. I was young so I always wanted my mom's approval so I am sure at times Anna would feel betrayed by me. Eventually me and Anna drifted apart all together. But that's a different story.
So being 15-16 my only friends were a few adults and all the boys that my older brother would hangout with. And since most of the adults were against teenagers dating, a few of the boys parents would get annoyed that I was the only girl hanging on all the guys. This lead me to feel even more left out. Where did I fit in??
At that point, it was no where. I remember making a weekend schedule of fun things to do by myself to keep my mind busy from thinking about how all the other kids were hanging out with each other but never inviting me. I thought what is wrong with me how come they don't like me? I could easily make friends at my school and they would invite me to hang out but unfortunately I would have to say no because it wasn't approved by religious standards. This tripped me up pretty bad, feeling unworthy so that my confidence was at a low for a very long time. Eventually I made a few Jehovah's witness friends from other areas. But being from a low income family was difficult to visit them regularly. I became pretty close with this beautiful soul though, her name was Maria. She was a very loving and kind girl she was a few years older then me, but took me in as a sister. Unfortunately she got killed in a car accident at the end of my 17th year. So this put me back to feeling alone and left out.
If you've read up to this point you can see that the exclusion wasn't good for me. I still really had no clue who I was.
So going back to age 16 I decided that I would pay for my own homeschooling(I worked as a dishwasher at a little dive restaurant in my town, making a whole $4.25/hr). I had a lot of people at school that was my "part time friends" but not being able to really get close to anyone because couldn't see them outside of school, made me feel like a poser. Because I still didn't feel like I fit in at school either, it was difficult to do projects with others. So this made it difficult to get good grades. So at that point pretty much stopped caring. I left middle of my sophomore year.
I finished my homeschooling in a year and half got my highschool diploma. Then I started Cosmetology college right after. Of course only making the "part time" friends again.
I dated one guy for 6 months. Then I broke it off with him and started dating another guy who after a few months became engaged to and then married at a very quick pace. I thought marriage was a ticket to freedom. The month I turned 19, was the month I had gotten married. Can you say "way too young"?
There is still a lot to be told about being a Jehovah's Witness, but I wanted to show you a dynamic of my life that many don't share. Without knowing this little bit about me I feel the rest of my story just wouldn't make sense.
I really don't want sympathy and this is a little, "oh boohoo me" story. But who rises from the ashes becomes something amazing.
Anyways I leave you at that for now.
To be continued....
The main reason for me to want to talk about this is not enough people out there do. I hope that me writing about this will help anyone else who have gone through similar experiences, esp when it comes to being in a religion you may feel trapped in.
Like most I found dwelling on the past to be too difficult so leaving it there seemed better.
Its been about 9 years since I left that religion. . .
Growing up wasn't bad I had thought. Even though holiday celebrations such as christmas, and halloween, were never celebrated, we still had a lot of wedding celebrations and anniversary's that we did celebrate.
But the problem growing up in a religion like the Jehovah's Witnesses is they exclude you from a lot of experiences that others live early on in life. So instead of being able to make friends with classmates at school I was limited to only those who also are a JW. And instead of being able to do extra curricular activities at school I was limited to only things at home. For some family's who have money or have lots of friends this way of life isn't difficult. But for me it really was. We would go to the "kingdom hall" most people know that as church, 3 times a week and then do door to door service most saturday mornings.
"Kingdom Hall"
"Well that doesn't sound bad right?" you maybe thinking. And it really wasn't for the most part. I always tried to stay positive and have a happy outlook on life. Maybe even a bit too cheery. The problem came though when I was pre-teen and the few other girls in the organization started developing a lot quicker then I did. So while the girls were attracting boyfriends, I still looked like a 10 year old and pretty plain. Plus being of a shorter stature I just didn't fit in at that point. Plus I was quite an awkward child. I also felt the girls went out of there way to ignore me(my highly sensitive mind). So with not fitting in anywhere my world became pretty lonely. My stepsisters would come in the summer so at least I had one friend but there was tension at times because my mom would get jealous of me and Anna's relationship and would put rifts between us. I was young so I always wanted my mom's approval so I am sure at times Anna would feel betrayed by me. Eventually me and Anna drifted apart all together. But that's a different story.
So being 15-16 my only friends were a few adults and all the boys that my older brother would hangout with. And since most of the adults were against teenagers dating, a few of the boys parents would get annoyed that I was the only girl hanging on all the guys. This lead me to feel even more left out. Where did I fit in??
At that point, it was no where. I remember making a weekend schedule of fun things to do by myself to keep my mind busy from thinking about how all the other kids were hanging out with each other but never inviting me. I thought what is wrong with me how come they don't like me? I could easily make friends at my school and they would invite me to hang out but unfortunately I would have to say no because it wasn't approved by religious standards. This tripped me up pretty bad, feeling unworthy so that my confidence was at a low for a very long time. Eventually I made a few Jehovah's witness friends from other areas. But being from a low income family was difficult to visit them regularly. I became pretty close with this beautiful soul though, her name was Maria. She was a very loving and kind girl she was a few years older then me, but took me in as a sister. Unfortunately she got killed in a car accident at the end of my 17th year. So this put me back to feeling alone and left out.
If you've read up to this point you can see that the exclusion wasn't good for me. I still really had no clue who I was.
So going back to age 16 I decided that I would pay for my own homeschooling(I worked as a dishwasher at a little dive restaurant in my town, making a whole $4.25/hr). I had a lot of people at school that was my "part time friends" but not being able to really get close to anyone because couldn't see them outside of school, made me feel like a poser. Because I still didn't feel like I fit in at school either, it was difficult to do projects with others. So this made it difficult to get good grades. So at that point pretty much stopped caring. I left middle of my sophomore year.
I finished my homeschooling in a year and half got my highschool diploma. Then I started Cosmetology college right after. Of course only making the "part time" friends again.
I dated one guy for 6 months. Then I broke it off with him and started dating another guy who after a few months became engaged to and then married at a very quick pace. I thought marriage was a ticket to freedom. The month I turned 19, was the month I had gotten married. Can you say "way too young"?
There is still a lot to be told about being a Jehovah's Witness, but I wanted to show you a dynamic of my life that many don't share. Without knowing this little bit about me I feel the rest of my story just wouldn't make sense.
I really don't want sympathy and this is a little, "oh boohoo me" story. But who rises from the ashes becomes something amazing.
Anyways I leave you at that for now.
To be continued....
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